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The Day of the Hyena

January 30, 2011

“As your sword bereaved women, so will your mother be bereaved among women.” (1 Samuel 15:33, Samuel’s words to Agag, king of the Amalekites)

“For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”(Jesus in Luke 14:11)

Rakysh Threeparty is walking down the college corridor. He looks at students attending classes and gets pumped with pride for it was his assertive character that had compelled the students to attend classes (Rakysh believed everything that happened- from the decline of Hitler to the tearing down of the Berlin wall, was because of his brilliant self).An arrogant smirk comes across his face.

Helpless with his instinct to sniff people’s toilets and rooms, he ends up sticking his nose and ears outside the Dean’s chamber. He hears the Dean talking over the intercom.

Intercom: Attention Students!! This is your Dean. A Hyena has managed to breach the security of our college. Please clear the lecture halls and return to your Hostels.

Rakysh Threeparty: Well, I better run back to hostel and resume exasperating students.  Aah!! I love disciplining them up. Those evil souls would be singing, playing music, relaxing and above all laughing, behind my back. I can’t allow such immoral and preposterous activities to propagate. They have turned MY sacred hostel into a debauch fortress. I must return back and start patrolling the hostel. (Listens screaming, remembers some mythological parable—a sudden epiphany strikes him) No wait, it appears like someone is in distress. I must help him to impress The Almighty so that he reserves my place in the seventh heaven.

Rakysh Threeparty rushes to the scene to see an angry Hyena circling the Dean.

Rakysh Threeparty: Oh my god, the Hyena is about to attack.

Hyena looks up at Rakysh Threeparty and snarls. Rakysh urinates in fear!

The Dean is scandalised.

Rakysh Threeparty: Oh Misfortune!!Sir! Don’t think otherwise Sir! This is the sugary syrup from Rasgullas I have stuffed in my pocket. I guess they got squeezed . I am a brave man Sir! I will save you!!

His Body language is betraying his warm words.

Dean: Don’t try to save me single handedly; This Hyena is mind-boggled. Call the security. Call the Forest Department. Quick!!

Rakysh Threeparty looks at exit- A sudden rush of Adrenalin. He should go and call the Forester and the Police.

Suddenly it strikes to him that he is a man of insuperable capacity. He thinks,” Lord Hanuman is testing my patience. If I shall exit, I will never go to heaven for which I have been doing Pooja since my infancy. If I shall save the Dean, I will be an icon—probably I could be the next Dean!!Wow!!! Then I shall ensure that laughter and a good life in the college become History.”

He feels like the  King Leonidas from 300. His hands spoon his stomach but realize there are no Six packs . Nonetheless,He will save the Dean and become a Hero!

Rakysh Threeparty turns away from the outgoing door and starts walking towards the Hyena. He makes seductive eye contact with the creature.

Rakysh Threeparty: No. I won’t run away!. True men never desert the battlefield. No Hyena is going to take over MY College. (Turns over to the Hyena, attempts to mimic Robert De Niro) Are you talking to me???

The Hyena jumps at Rakysh Threeparty and bites his right arm off.

Rakysh Threeparty: O Crap!! He bit my arm off. So what!! I can still defeat you with only one arm, Hyena!

Hyena jumps up at Rakysh Threeparty and bites other arm off. He is agonized with pain.

More Hyenas enter.

Rakysh Threeparty: O My Good Lord!! It’s a pack of hungry Hyenas!

Hyenas force Rakysh Threeparty into a corner

Rakysh Threeparty: I’m Dead Now.

Dean: Listen to me Rakysh!! These are genetically Modified Hyenas! You can kill them if you kick their schnozzles off.

Rakysh Threeparty: Bingo! I may not have my limbs anymore, but I still have feet to kick with.

He knocks the all Hyenas’ s schnozzles off in a long fight sequence. The Hyenas are immediately killed.

Dean: Good work Rakysh Threeparty, you’ve saved us all.I will reward you for this! Let me buy you a cup of tea !!

He now feels the pain and realizes what all he had lost. He wasn’t going to be coronated!!

A series of abusive curses crossed his brain at lightening pace.

Rakysh Threeparty: I’d wonder if my limbs can be stitched back.

The surgeons are yet to find a way to fix his belongings up!

PS: Arms,limbs,belongings are all euphemisms. We chose not to use the actual name in interest of public decorum.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. January 31, 2011 12:15 am

    Lol! What did he do now?

  2. January 31, 2011 9:39 am

    U can email me the actual names 😉

  3. Akash permalink
    January 31, 2011 5:11 pm

    Shrey
    please do temme the exact story
    and do give me the “real” name of my Rakysh 😛

  4. Akash permalink
    January 31, 2011 5:11 pm

    Sorry
    Mr. Rakysh TriParty

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